It is Your Life If…

You know you’re way too New Age when…

You have crystals on your desk at work, an altar on your car’s dashboard, and a pyramid under your bed.

You do numerology on a potential spouse’s telephone number, license plate number, and street address to see if you’re compatible.

You believe Demeter is the goddess of parking spaces.

When your computer’s hard drive gets corrupted, instead of hiring a tech, you perform Reiki on it.

You actually believe that you chose your parents in order to learn the lessons you needed to learn in this lifetime.

Satsang has become your entire social life.

You named your first child “Rain.”

You have a Buddhist meditation room in the basement, a Native American sweat-lodge in the garage, a Hindu fire-pit in the backyard…and you’re Jewish.

While your boss is berating you, suddenly you notice blue light coming out of her third eye.

You’ve been here now, done that already, and ain’t doing it again in the next life.

You can read your cat’s aura.

You really do see God in others…and she resembles your Grandma Rosie.

You are Scots-Canadian, African-American, or Japanese…and you legally changed your first name to Shiva.

You married your soul-mate in a nude tantric commitment ceremony on Maui where you exchanged eyebrow-rings.

Your teenager tells you she’s become a born-again Christian…and you call all the members of your coven to wail about it and ask what you did wrong as a parent.

You never do anything major without first consulting the i-Ching, your astrology chart, and your pendulum, then doing ceremony over it, meditating on it, and contemplating it. And even then, you have to ask your guru if it’s okay.

Tags: ,

Comments are closed.